You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
