i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
