you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
