My Higher Power is John Stamos
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
