You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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