Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
