Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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