If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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