Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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