C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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