He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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