Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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