y did u give ur computer a hand job?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
