Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
it hurts more in the daytime
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
