broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
