woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
