I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize