Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
