im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
