Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
