So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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