Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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