matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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