I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
