Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
