I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
