Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
