Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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