I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
