Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
