Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
