I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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