I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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