I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
