I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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