How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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