FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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