Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
