i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
