dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
