also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
