At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
