I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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