i may or may not be watching the land before time
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
