I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
