I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
