I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
