Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
