You smell like stripper and shame
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
