Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My cat gives me a boner
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
