If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
